Embarrassing confession of the week:

I've always wanted a mustache.

No, not the kind that I might be able grow from eating carrots and rubbing Vicks Vapor Rub on my chest. Assuming it is even possible for a female to grow a mustache without hormones/genetic predisposition.

I want to purchase a silky black handlebar mustache to wear at my will and leisure. Mainly just for photos, or even in public when I'm feeling daring enough.